Rants and Ramblings....

Rants and Ramblings....

A couple days ago, I decided I was going to write this, primarily because, no one is going to see it.  No one is logged in to this, no one knows I have it.  No one cares.  But I need an outlet or I'm going to explode so viola ~ outlet in so many pixels.  I don't know how long this will be, but it will ramble, as the first topic I'm going to cover is my extreme annoyance with my family.  I have one of those... at least on paper. Complete with the prerequisite aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc.  But... I never see them.  Well... Sorta.  The ones on my father's side, I see once a year, at Christmas, because they do the holiday thing, but that's it.  They (the uncles and their families) get together and do things together and are a family... but for some reason that I could never quite understand... we were never included, although, it was hinted out several times, that it was directly related to me.  On my mother's side of the family, after my mom died when I was 10, I only saw family members because I lived 3 houses down from Grandma... and after she passed... I didn't see anyone, even when I tried.  There were a couple times... One of my aunts came to my house once with her husband, and I saw her when we set my sister's baby shower up at her house, but that was 13 years ago... another aunt told me she couldn't look at me, as I looked too much like my mother, and I made her heart break every time she saw me.  :-(  So... yeah.  My family doesn't want to have anything to do with me. 

 Then I had to go and get in a car accident in 2002... and that really kind of screwed up things on a royal basis for me.  If you were to ask me how I was on the street, I'd answer your question with a "How are you?" or "As good as it gets." if pressed. Both are non-answers.  Neither tell you that my best friend had to remind me that last time I was pain-free was over the summer last year... 30 minutes inside a Kroger.    Because I couldn't remember.  That conversation started after I busted my head on the car frame... she asked if I was ok, and I had to say I don't know yet.  Because the resulting injury was just noise in my every day life.  Several hours later, I discovered the knot on the top of my head and got an ice pack, but it seemed like closing the barn door after the animals were out, you know?